I have a relative who’s going through an operation for lung cancer this morning. I figured i’d give them the most of my attention last night in prayer and hopes. I figured the positive energy i put in has got to help even if there’s only a fraction of chance for it to be effective. I’m not the sort to pray very often but when i do, i try to put my all in. I think being there in the waiting room would show more love and active interest but i’m in school.

I just wanted to take a moment to reflect on life and it’s worth. When i die i want to make sure i’m at peace with myself, that it is a quick death and that i die with dignity/worth. I hope this goes for my Aunt if things don’t go right and the cancer does consume her. But first i offer my attention, positive healing words and hopes/prayers. That she fight hard and remember all the love in life that she has given and received. There’s people who depend on her and that she’s not quite done here yet. There are People who love her and will want to hear from her; They rely on her survival and recovery. So i hope my thoughts reach her in this time of difficulty. That she see’s her children grow to adulthood and her complications pass. That life will gift her with safety as well as safe passage to what ever her fate is.

In life everything has meaning, purpose and opportunity but in death there is still meaning, purpose but only reflection. I write this early in hopes that life will gift these healing words to her before anything bad happens. I won’t even go into the idea that she will pass on because i refuse for that reality to happen. That frequency of thought will not exist in my mind and only thoughts of her living on will proceed until anything changes in status.

I don’t have children or a spouse but i can relate at a human level and imagine the loses. Everyone deserves to see their children born, grownup and succeed. I asked secretively for the angels that guided me in life to send the highest and best to give their attention and healing. Not so secret now but as i said i give it my all when i do something. And things that aren’t completely concrete i struggle with; my imagination – no problem, metaphysical content – no problem. Things of the heart, fate and severely abstract – i can understand but have much difficulty comprehending, understanding and accepting. And so life continues to teach me bout, mortality, the human condition and sickness. All i’ve learned is to come to terms with it, i wish i had the power to heal them myself but no man has that sort of power unless your a doctor. But i don’t have the discipline, lasting motivation or the talent to be one. I sort of wish i could heal illness with mantra and chakra or by divine powers from the heavens but that is wishful thinking.

If anyone had the power to heal by super natural powers. I would want them to use it as some sort of antic to gather donations for some special cause. You probably can’t heal everyone in the world but the more money we spend in a cure the higher the chance of it succeeding. Heart, prostate, breast, diabetes.. wouldn’t we all wish for some divine power to descend just to give hope to the people. What ever the result during this operation and if it recurs the next; i’m there by heart.

hopes and prayers,

Nam