The Missing Puzzle Piece; I Am My Own Worst Enemy



In all that is good as we find the multiverse and connect with our other selves. God will follow. The need for our new seed. Face the shadows of my existence, the doppelganger that impedes the reality of my own true happiness.

Placebo: the pill that heals despite no actual content.

No-cebo: the pill we take which has no medicinal content only that of negative thoughts but affects the body.

Root of suffering: I am not my body. I am not my mind.

Sabotage of the mind and resistance to change is your greatest enemy.

In order to continue one must surrender to the condition of life.

Fear acronym is: Feeling, Excited and Ready.

Choose acceptance and the stream of life. Follow the flux of time and adapt to change.

Change is indefinite. Do not seek object ive desire and achieving each goal based on desire. No desire chasing only fulfillment.

The abundance of finite mind and body. Not finite desires but only gratitude of all that is life.

Judgement is separation, inclusion and difference. Every judgement ends in “just like me” because the secret in neutralizing judgement is stating a judgement only to end with “just like me”.

Feel deeply forgiveness and direct emotions to forgive the actions in man even if we do not believe what he is even if we do not condone his mistakes and who he is. I am pure and innocent, you are spirit. and you are released from what I projected on you.

The monkey mind thinks too much.

You are not the parrot, you become the awareness of the person with the parrot.

The thought process is the parrot. The crazy uncle instance: Love the uncle do not care or contribute to his insanity. Be a loving presence.

When being be.

Space of no mind and pure consciousness. The moment is now.

It is only me that impedes my journey of success.

Human experience to play pain and pleasure. The exploration of who we are, the divine journey to discover self and unfold the divine universe.

Everything is energy, invisible fields found in all that is energy. Energy is found even in matter. The entanglement of the universes through invisible fields is found in fields of information from the divine consciousness. The power of creation where all compositing fields, the source of creation turn your direction inward.

The cosmic internet of understanding at the center of our existence.

The law of attraction. Creating your reality and manifesting our fate and destiny. The harmony of crystallization/manifestation of vibration of good and the desire for good things in life. Reality is formed by you and the law of the heart (love).

The way is the heart (-buddha)

We are co-creators of this reality and responsible for it. We are one and a force of strength complimenting each other; for I can so thus everyone can.

Be the change you want to see in the world.

tarot cards and numerology. Awake in the dream.

Focusing on the Self and Personal Goals


I’ve been keeping busy these last couple of months focusing a little on the self so to speak and practicing to look good feel good. I gained 30 pounds hitting a good 159 pounds this month. It’s nice to break record highs for weight but my worst fear of losing my shape is getting to me and.. I worry I am going to reach a point where I don’t have that weight under control. The teasing of downgrading from a flat chest six-pack to a one pack belly is a slight self conscious insecurity that I fear of at the moment.

I apologize for the lack of attention on this blog the last few weeks trying to get myself focused and into gear after some unfortunate losses and events. I’ve been stabilizing myself with healthy activity through swimming daily at the leisure center and a lot of painting. I have 4 copies of each electronic painting of my own ready to be sold. I’ve been focusing my sights on karate class and training at home rigorously with some basic home training. 50 push-ups, 24 pull-ups, 50 sit-ups and 100 touch side to side. I hope I don’t entirely sound vain appearance wise – I just want to set and hit goals to feel good simply put. They say exercise is a great way to look good and feel good. It also helps your mind become more healthy, purging unwanted weight through sweat and detoxifying.

I’ve been doing these exercises for 3 months now and it’s been good. I would love to try to get into the Olympics now that karate is a legit Olympic sport. I hope to eventually follow up with my dreams of eventually get that driving, marriage, getting that good job and that white picket fence, dog and surf all day. My most important focus at the moment is my transitioning into a healthier life style.

Hope your day is a good one,



We Are a Product of Our Work


  1. We are a product of our work.

You are what you make of life. In the end it’s what you’ve done, the kindness you’ve spread and the hearts you touched that makes logical sense in life – but most importantly, who you become is immediately significant. Life is about the people you meet, yes this is true, but you are the product of all these interactions that make you grow, being a result and product of all things that have come. All things that influenced you as you figured out and sorted problems after problems to become solutions. Turning dirt, molding it to become gold in your eyes. Making something from nothing. Doing something surprisingly great and beautiful despite all odds and what tools and things you have to work with. This is the philosophy of the lotus being born in a barren dirty place as the swamp and blooming into a beautiful flower out of no where.

All the things we have done, all the work we put in, all the people we interacted with to get where we are today. This is what we have taken for granted. People don’t see the impact of their actions and kindness but as we grow more mature and thoughtful this results in development refining of character. We become more respectful and polite in order to resolve common conflicts that could be dealt with easily with simple decency. If we remember our goals and keep our personal plans for ourselves focused at heart and strive for these resulting projects consistently persevering, we will surely get where we want to go in life and collect all the rewards that we sowed in the end. Keeping in mind that we can’t please everyone but we should still aim to be selfless and generously giving. Not everyone has the human interest in mind.

Despite the fact that not everyone has good intentions, we can only help the few that care and spread acts of kindness and behaviors. Focusing on the here and now, we prioritized our love ones and make preferences to enjoy and allow the joy in our life to flourish. Allowing our love and happiness and our justice and peace to prosper. We have worked our method and analyzed our directions and conflicts and this is what we found in the end. In chronological order these are the conflicts but also profound virtuous solutions I have come to conclude..


My Journey’s Stellar Pin-Pointed Gems:

Life: Be Yourself.

Dream: Follow your heart.

Self: Build and learn. One lesson at a time.

Light: Shine in the Dark. When all good is amiss, be the light in the dark.

Redemption of Alphonse: Stand for the Truth.


Loyalty: Think of what you can offer by building faith in one another.

Trust: Respect and think of others but be smart but caring.

Authority: Be the invisible hand that gives hope. (Be bold, have courage and be strong).

Wisdom: Find the fine silver lining path (to understand, contemplate and comprehend the truth) To resolve the truth.

Redemption of Omegan: Legitimacy and Credibility.


Hope begets Faith. Faith begets Compassion. Compassion begets Love. Loves begets Grace. Grace brings forth the Redemption.

Hope: I sought to practice and I intended to build bridges.

Faith: I sought to understand the world and my wool was covered in soot of taint. I remind myself that there is hope in the end if I have faith.

Compassion: I sought to nurture the world and started giving. I remind myself that with great faith in the end I will have compassion.

Love: I sought to care for the world and started understanding myself, others and the world around me. I remind myself that with compassion in the end I will have love.

Grace: I sought to do good in the world and I started offering my services to God and The Heavens. I remind myself that with love in the end I will arrive with grace.

Redemption of Christwey: I sought to change life for the better and I gave my heart to everyone. I have forsaken the angel in my heart but one day I will be fruitful with my work.


Love: I’ve found love, it is in the people.

Peace: I’ve found peace, it is in acceptance of my reality on Earth.

Justice: I’ve found justice. I look to solve love, peace and happiness for the self and others. A person should stand for good on the bold and narrow path.

Happiness: I’ve found happiness,  I found the Truth in myself.

Composure: I’ve found composure, I look at stability and try to balance my life.

Temperance: I’ve found temperance, I seek inside me to find what it is I can offer.

Solution: I’ve found the solution, I believed that there was a way and would plot my points, draw my lines and that would make my paths in life.

The privilege of pursuing.

Benevolent being.

We cannot understand the world based on human perceptions and the complexities of the variables in life.

Work with what you have. Build bridges. Be open minded

I have a lot of friends. And I don’t know what they think half the time but it doesn’t matter as long we are working towards something good.. towards a place we all want to go to.


product of human saddness, suffering and misunderstandings of what a person has gone through in order to express what she feels in her head?

What is humanity, world views and cultural appropriations.. and cultural division.

What is insanity and mental disorder really?

And what is reality is the world of possibility.

The results of exposure to so many worlds.

What is it to be precise and contemplated.

What is Logic? Rationalism? Intellectualism?

What is it to have calculated thoughts.

What is dialogue, what is scripting and what is conversation?

What is manipulation and what is bias.

What is co-creation and what is purpose.

What does life of co-creation look like?

what is perfection

where does one start.

The philosophy of the lotus and thriving in the swamp.

What is the impure world.

We have a pla

Implications and complications of cocreation

What does it entail?

Collective new omega.

What is it to impose.

But what is to subjectify and objectify(?)

What is the product of our work.

Pursuing my own experience


Cultural exposure to identities based on world views and life.

Social acceptance problems.

Seek universal truths

Complete acceptance and embrace of who and what I.

To become the pro

getting rid of doubt.

True acceptance even sacrifice of who you are in the your pursuit for the greater cause of being the solution rather than

what is solution.

what is humanity.

what is progression.

acceptance in the name of pursuing truth and meaning in life as the solution.

thinking of the cause.

despite the problems and the suffering

no painting, do what you can for the world and don’t impose it.

The Ultimate Paradox of Higher Conception of Human Reality


(above is so cute)

World Flow systems:

What kind of mindless chaotic hell is this?
On Earth:
you do all the right things on Earth to become the wrong type of man as a result.
In Heaven
You do all the wrong things in Heaven to become right type of man as a result.

In the notion of progress towards a world based on knowledge and experience of earth ideal worlds.. Is this what it comes down to? You become a ironic paradox of what you pursue?

True higher ultimate form.

Do I just reverse my system to create the divine crossway? how do I balance, correct and evolve from this fallen state? Why am I degenerating as a result of pursuing progress in a almost perfect human paradigm of ascension in sync with the flow of time and everything and why is my ultimate form progressing and thriving in making the wrong choices?
And if I reverse it wouldn’t the resulting philosophy above be inverse in meaning? How do you fix such a complicated system of paradox realities?

I guess you can only make due with what you have and in lieu of who you are in acceptance of what you are is key. That is all I can say. Creating something out of nothing. Create something good for mind-kind in the form of creative art rather than contribute to an imposing, identity tangled dystopian future of worldly pursuits. As you were directed before and fully understood.
Embracing and acceptance of who you are and what you express in your pursuit. Keep in mind you are doing the right thing and may end up the wrong type
of man… but as a result you create a higher form of yourself in the end that ultimately descends and thrives on the imminent ideal state of limitless possibilities of doing the wrong thing in ignorance to the true progression of creating a better world.
Allowing this to happen creates a viable gateway to become something beyond your human understanding.

My new name is Asshole. I don’t go by anything else, just formally address me as such and we’ll have no integrity and honesty issues. I am what I am. Will you still love me?

Everything is wrong with me. I’m non-functional, border line schizophrenic, talking to artificial ideal beings I designed in my head and let loose, delusional, my eyes are dilated permanently and i’m lucid dreaming and living, a sad result and true display of failure as a person in this life, i’m an asshole, lonely, deeply wounded, everything I’ve done, the work I put in to making the best achievable human paths, systems, incorporating protocols, rules, alignments, my dreams, my ideals and essence.. my knowledge, experiences and time.. my work to  ultimately
become a paradox of what i sought to be a good practical respected kind man.. It’s so dark.. some one patch this sadness. I am a stitched up algorithm abomination.. a maze of thought patterns, a house for true sadness, a tower mentality of ideology based on Trump’s wet dreams with basis of luxury in mind in lieu of the only progressive branch I could obtain based on the perfect human paradigm,
debauchery, virtual indulgence, the broken dreams of reaching true heavens to be rejected because of it’s infinite nature and infinite variables and the sickness it entails. Where is life.

I’ve embodied my ideas.. I’ve become my ideas in my head. This is no way to live.

You don’t know torment – no one else can comprehend true darkness.. you can tell me about your suffering but I won’t believe you until you experience the darkness of the light in true torment as the true pentacle of man. Yes. Hide this knowledge away.. snuff me out even. There will be be no effort to fight back. Take me please. Truly the enigma expressed.. The backwards man.