Metamorphosis of Spirit

1444798225231When I was young, I was arrogant, proud and stubborn. It was the only reason why I was a wrestling medalist and senior football player in High School. I was driven by my stubbornness to gain my place in society. When I was in school however I was automatically handed the image of the smart asian boy which I by my stubborn nature compelled to oppose. It was reverse psychology and I didn’t want to be identified or put in a box. I rebelled tried everything to shake off that title even if it was where I wanted to be. I was not about to be stereo typed and at the same time I felt i didn’t earn it because it was handed out and given. It was a fake honor or what they call in a church a fake grace. I wanted to earn my place and I wanted it to be genuine but when it is given what else do you do now but roll with the worldly materialistic, abstract thinking and unattainable spiritual quest. Its called a glass house of nothing where your morals tell you to not to touch, break or disrupt anything.

The experience is ruined because you don’t get to learn anything. How do you learn if you don’t make mistakes? If there’s no room for mistakes what is life? I guess as you mature you make less mistakes but i wanted the thrill things crashing, things blowing up and mess of random chaos that needs be set back in order. The city was sound, quiet, peaceful and secure. Clean streets clean, clean faces, clean people and clean facilities. This was not where i was made to be. I need to be in the wild – undeveloped and rugged. Where there was work to be done all the time. I needed a way out but i’m on a crutch – of being privileged to a degree. It’s a crime an inhumane way to live. If i don’t die from a bullet i’ll end up dying from insanity before old age.

I needed something that worked my back bone, love of farming comes to mind, love of mountains come to mind, animals, hunting, gathering, trading and jungles came to mind. This was not where i was meant to be, i know this. I take for granted this life I have now, this i know. I have family, friends and everyone is living the way they were meant to live. I’m fodder, hero’s heart meant for a short life, expendable – I was suppose to go out with a bang. Now a shell of  man unsure if he is a man. Skydived, climbed waterfalls, mountains, jump cliffs – every time getting more dangerous but the hollowness always brought me to question whether I was really one. A man or a mouse.

Then it all changed – the perspective came that polarized my personality. I was changed by a dramatic experience that made me timid, submitting and doubtful. I played cautiously and thinking twice about what i was going to do. An illness that made me aware of the reckless, youthful and destructive path I was going in. I was now composed, understanding and compassionate to others at the cost of my personal enjoyment of life. I feel more fulfilled and motivated but now I run into a problem of whether or not I should invest my time in a certain thing, asking if I should do something, should i not, second guessing, on the fence to save my own butt cowardice, always calculating the risk. I have reflected and seen my faults. There was more then enough time given to see that.

I need to find the balance between both worlds. The problem today with civil society city life is that there is no growing room. And with civility comes a domestication and taming of a creature that was not meant to be tamed. Life is about experiencing life to the fullest, expressing love to its highest potential and reduce the suffering of the world. It took alot of time but I think I’m going back to save some money to finish architecture get my masters in architecture in Houston. And go find some foreign place to build homes where I can provide water, air ventilation lines and vents for buildings. Do something useful, unless there’s a future for me in Edmonton I have got to leave.

Decrypting the old Trinity.

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Personal study of the trinity.

From the microcosm springs forth the macrocosm.

The Son, The Father and The Holy Ghost.

The Son stands for the compensation of life and it’s composed of faith, hope and redemption.

The Father stands for the source of life and he is omniscient, omnipotent and all good.

The Spirit stands for the motive of life and it is driven by intelligence, power and morals

Consistency of the microcosm and macrocosm:

If i were the father i would to some degree still be the source, to a degree omniscient only restricted to my brain capacity, omnipotent only restricted to my mortality, and all good to my capability.

My son would be my compensation of life in order for me to prolong my legacy. He will have complete faith in me as a father, his hopes will be only restricted by how well i perform, and his redemption will further his education about his world around him and grow.

My Spirit would be my motive in life as i am drawn towards intelligence, power and morals. These things i will endless seek to strengthen myself. With of course moderation and balance in mind, just enough to be self sustaining like i was made to be.

I was given a Life of free will, the opportunity and the fire of the moral compass. I was given the  freedom to explore and learn/relearn about the world around us and build a life where we can allow others to learn, understand and motivate. Most importantly we are to heal and grow until we overachieve overlap our timelines where we can gain the technology to guide ourselves in the future so that  our future generations will learn from our mistakes without making them and putting them on the fast track to becoming who they were potentially made to become.

In the future, maybe someday we will be able to moderate, understand and guide ourselves into a new age of man. Maybe bring a piece of heaven down to earth.And solve the squaring of the circle. Create celestial bodies of our own – align our own stars, create our own vacuums and  organize, establish self sustainability and duty in various systems and harness the spirit of man’s creativity and fire as well as life.

We are gifted with “free will” and with that we will learn of death. But with death we learn of life, When it is highest and when it is lowest. You reap what you sow. And i will give light where it is dark and bring joy where there is sorrow.