He Disappeared like the Wind

quote-how-will-i-be-remembered-as-a-technician-or-artist-as-a-humorist-or-a-visionary-norman-rockwell-75-49-65It isn’t about building the bridge or even using the bridge to jump worlds. It’s about becoming the bridge.

I feel like for a long time I have been living someone else’s dream. Trying to impress a person and show them that I’m something I’m not. I’m a humanitarian.. an environmentalist, a proactive productive thinker.

I decided I’m dropping all my courses and going to live in Tibet/Thailand. I’m going to seek a shaman/monk and get rid of my crutches.. this man made illness possibly self inflicted that is my psychosis. I need to move on with my life and I can’t do it with this crutch.

I’m going to save a bit of money and find myself.. no matter how hard the journey. If i get lost or I suffer death.. or a occurrence of relapse; It will be worth it despite the risks. I want to live my own life. If the cost is the risk of a little trouble.. or a lot of trouble it will make more sense.. because the path is never easy. I will always be able to find and know where home is in my heart. I have known a good home and it is enough for me to grasp what it is to have a family. No matter how dysfunctional.. I know only i can do it, I want to know that I can do it.

I’m not ready for love, marriage and the sort. I’m looking for something in this world.. a value of sentiment and deep meaning. I’m looking for purpose and to define my reason to be here. I’m gonna go even if I’m not ready. I need to leave this place.

So today I’ve decided 3-6 months I am gone as the wind.. leaving everything i know for a strange place. It was nice knowing everyone, if I don’t make it back in one piece. At least I have the legacy that is my blog.

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