I’ve always felt like I’ve done something significant in time that I cannot understand or comprehend. I have made many choices in my life that was life altering, important decisions I decided I’d rather turn away from and let it disappear. I’m not sure what type of person I am in the future. Though it feels although he is present from time to time. It’s me but not of my time. I feel like everything bad that happened before is all undone and everything good that I did while living that time frame is disappearing. Like it never existed. I don’t understand how living under different conditions and living under different circumstances may change a person so radically enough as to make a person for example an all powerful suit of evil or a masterful genius of some higher level intellect. What level of ethics divide them.. or is it knowledge of what needs to be sacrificed in order to obtain greater power, intellect something that is enough to twist a man from innocent to guilty?
What is the fork or dividing line that lead a man to become what he is in the end. Or will it be a shade of grey a little of both worlds somewhere in the middle? Exploring the Grey spectrum world with aspirations for an ideal world of good is the fork I took. Building, trying hard to not faulter. Dodging bullets of life. Delving into worlds of illusions; video games, books, movies, music.. my own piece of mind. Though the longer I stay in this grey world the more I feel I am drained spiritually.. like the dullness of it all. Don’t talk too loud. Don’t think bad things. Keep your hands to yourself. All the things you teach yourself oppressing your spirit from flying free. I’m in a cage basically with walls of glass separating us. You know that stimulating all our senses is healthy. Edmonton, home of job security, stability, homes and free medical care. It’s a working city, boring but safe. Safe is all i need. Or is it?